You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Green mimosas i think yes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
