Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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