I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will be naked everywhere
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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