I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We left the knife in your bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
