oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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