I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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