Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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