Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
