just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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