To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
