yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize