hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
