you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
