its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my shit smells like andre
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
