I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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