Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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