I wish you could order shots online.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
