she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
