I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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