Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
