I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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