Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
