I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
