I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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