my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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