Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
