I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
