are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
