..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
