so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
