now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
