Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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