I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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