look no pants
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
