i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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