my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
