You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
