What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
