it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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