last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
