I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
