weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
