i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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