dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
