The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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