i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i dont even know how to be here
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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