she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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