You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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