Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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