She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
