Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Boobs are out for the taking
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
