I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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