Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
