You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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