Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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